Wished To Be Heard

I am the most fictional person who’d ever find. I always wanted my life to be like a film, a book written by Jane Austen. When I’d smile, the sky would blush and turn pink; when I’d laugh, the birds would sing songs and fly with the sound of my laughter. I always prayed to God, “I never asked anything from you, but please make me a boy. I’m tired of trying to make a place in this world for myself, tired of soaking up my dreams, tired of being a girl.” He never replied, and his silence had always become my answer.

But every film and every story has a villain; my life too had various villains. The biggest villain of my life was people, to be more specific, the opinions of people. There is an invisible book of rules the society has made for girls, where there are three chapters: Looks, Fault, and Blame.

Chapter 1 – Looks: Whenever someone would harass you, molest you, or make you feel like every inch of your body is a mannequin, that would be because of your looks, your short skirt, or your revealing dress.

Chapter 2 – Fault: No matter what a man, a woman, or anyone does to you, it’s always your fault. If you felt uncomfortable with someone’s touch, it was your fault. If you screamed within your heart because of someone stabbing you with their judgmental comments, it’s your fault. If the world, people, and the fact that you were a girl destroyed every single dream you had, it’s your fault.

Chapter 3 – Blame: You cannot blame anyone; you cannot go out because you’re unsafe. Don’t blame the world, you are one being, the girl.

I tried making my place, I tried changing myself to fit in this world, to become the hero of my book, to become a “BOY.” I failed, I lost the battle with the judgments, the comments, and the world.

I went to God again, and asked him, “Why me? Why did you make me a girl? Why am I so weak? Why should I be at blame when I’m innocent? Why did I feel the pain when I was just being what I was, a GIRL?”

His silence made me numb; I stopped feeling, I stopped living. All I was, was a puppet, a puppet the world wanted who never questioned, never asked, just kept suffering with all the pain buried in her heart. Until one fine day, I saw a light, a light of hope. The numb, cold heart I had melted, and I realized something: the problem was not me being a girl; it was me believing that I was weak because I was a girl. I realized that I cannot change people’s mindsets or their thoughts; all I can change is my thoughts, the thought I had that I’m weak, and I need a hero to save me.

I got up that day and ran towards that light, the light that was my dream, that was my freedom. I kept running, and people kept commenting, but I couldn’t listen to any of their words as I was hearing the sound of laughter, my laughter that made birds fly and chirp. I laughed, and the sky turned pink. I was free. I was the heroine of my book. I was a girl.