Love is something where people dwell to embrace, encourage, understand and more importantly care each other. It neither needs to be defined nor requires a specific validation on grounds of the social talks. I have heard versatile versions of love stories most of which had sort of happy endings and that were usually predictable. But mine is quite a different one – The one that is filled with boundless love and affection, which was reserved for just one person in this entire world. Yes you got me right. That is a beautiful, untold voyage of love weaved with threads of care, love to extremity and painful hopes as well.
Speaking of me, I’m totally a restricted kind of person and anxious at certain things too. That’s how I was brought up for 22 years. My childhood had nothing much to describe as I lived these days with just solitude being my companion. That wasn’t my desired path of living, but still had chosen it over consecutive betrayals that completely shattered me for quite a longer period of time.
Having lost my hope over living this competitive life where survival of the fittest mattered, there was this moment of hearing a very bold and charming voice at the very first day of my college. That’s when I saw him first. The feeling that I encountered at that very moment was undefinable. My eyes went looking for him the whole day that ended up doing it in routine. Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months but I was still at the phase of admiring him from a distance, with my heart fluttering every time he walked by. That could due to be his attitude, arrogance and all that pertained to him. Despite of all these, The one that made me love was his unquenchable love to achieve something big in life.
It’s been 6 months since the first day of my college and I was still nervous to express my feelings to him. There happened a moment of speaking in person to him where I got to know quite a lot of things in detail that left me with knowing that love is something that is connected deep with soul and divinity. And that was the day of myself perceiving the true essence of love after being unloved and betrayed all these days.
There were days of debates being held in mind between infatuation and true love when I tend to remember my haunted past. But today, I could strongly defend with my point of true love when we became relatively close to each other, had same pace of thoughts expressed, loved things to be the way it is and so on. Those were beautiful days when we cared each other a lot and enjoyed happiness in little things even. Until the moment of seperation, this was just a voyage with rain of love falling in places.
The after-period was filled with depression, stress and sort of things like that for a few months as I wasn’t explained of the reason of being seperated. I was not that rude to him. Instead, I had those moments of apologizing even if the mistake was not mine. I loved him to the core that no one else except his parents would express in this world. And I hope that he feels the same yet not expressed eminently. This phase of seperation until this very minute makes me crazy at times, leaving me texting him about that and deleting it immediately as I wouldn’t want him to hate me to the fullest.
It was not the matter of hate, but his sincere efforts undertaken to do something unique that wasn’t pursued before. And that made him forget me and those days of expressing immense love and care for him. In spite of all these happenings leaving me with stress, possessiveness and depression, I had got a chance of clarifying things of seperation somehow that left me with little hope that he cannot unlove me despite any situation that happens. Yes, he still loves me the same way he loved me before, but is very much hidden like that of the treasure hidden somewhere very deeply.
One could have the desire to get the treasure box but luck and time should favour right? That is my exact situation. I knew very well that this is not the right time to indulge or interfere with his ambitions but could atleast attain the pleasure of witnessing him being satisfied and happy while travelling in the road of success from quite a far distance.
Loving and being loved is very easy. But staying matters. I still love him though pain was left behind. And this at times disturbs me a lot but still mending my heart to witness positivity. It was not about the doubt of love here but the fact of waiting without given a strong hope or word of love ending up in marriage. Maybe this is not the right age to decide. And my family situations aren’t that good to favour my love. Yet, I wait with a lot of hope for that one sentence from him – I would never let you go from my life.
It’s been 2 and half years now since I loved him like never before. But I could not see any signs of him reestablishing the same. Before, I would always be there for him to change things if it goes wrong somewhere. But now, I witness some but situation didn’t let me talk to him. Nevertheless, I’m still concerned of everything that matters to him, even the small things that are of no importance. Though, we had a lot of moments to express ourselves after the seperation, his fervent goal- oriented journey left me aloof even when being around with many people.
I’m loving this part of my life even as his happiness matters a lot to me. There is no doubt that I could wait for him till my death. And that is the amount of love I have for him. Instead of describing it as ‘love’, I would rather say ‘divinity and soul happiness’ that is expressed just by seeing him from a very far distance. Also, I loved the negatives of him too. That’s where I felt the utmost confidence of being his better half than anyone else in this world. I hope he feels the same and understands my sea of love for him during this long period of wait.
