There were times that made me the happiest, accompanied me during tough times and eventually realize who I’m. But now, there is nothing left to describe as such. My life remains to be an empty vessel with quite a big hole in it. No matter how much ever you fill it with water or anything of your wish, It will never get satisfied as it knows that its got such a big hole or kind of loophole in it to be very much specific.
So, What’s the deal to put forth my sorrow sides? I will tell you here. Preethi is a 22 year old girl who has a got a very childish behaviour that seems to be evidently immature. Her hobbies are the first priorities after which everything else comes. During her 22 years of life, she felt rarely contented with people around her, say for example, she loves writing be it short stories, fiction, memoir or whatever. But, she is denied of pursuing it even for a short period of time with blaming her that you are investing your time and energy merely in the wrong path. It’s not wrong from a parent’s perspective but why not provide an opportunity at the first hand and decide the rest once the result is seen? That question is just revolving in my mind. This is not the only reason to be broken but this also counts in my life.
For me, “Broken” means only one thing. You have tried working on several opportunities though they aren’t your cup of tea and still didn’t cross your first step in it out of some 100 steps, then that’s when you get broken. You cannot use such a word for a primary reason. When you get beaten and betrayed several times, you will end up thinking about “The lost ray of hope”. And sometimes that could be your “last one” too as you might be left with no support when you really need them beside you. Not to instill negatives but this is my exact condition now. Well I’m not that aged though but pain speaks a lot right.
When you witness your relatives, friends, family members and loved ones drifting away from you or too busy to spend time with you, it obviously pains. The mistake they all spot in common is my persisting immatured behaviour. I’ve really tried a lot to change it, probably would have given atleast 1000 shots for sure. But it remains as such. Some blame me that I’m brainless, foolish, coward and a lot more. All these sayings just push me to end up my life here. And that’s why I had to write such a long story of mine to make you know that Preethi isn’t foolish or brainless.
She is capable of writing really good articles, essays, stories, etc, without the use of artificial intelligence softwares that are booming today. And in addition to that, she is aspired to do something bigger in her life for which she is putting in her heart and soul just to prove that she is worth to be inclusive in her family and will definitely make her family proud as well. So, the l(o)ast ray of hope in here is holding on to writing to express my lost hopes to you all. I would really want to be bold enough to say “No” to certain things but inclusiveness makes me almost blind and I end up adjusting in a toxic relationship, being silent as I accept the fact of being childish, and finally used and betrayed by virtue of all of these causes. This had become a routine cycle and will not be halted untill there are testaments of clarity in my speaking, landing in a reputed job, and achieving something big in my passion of writing. I have neither pursued training in a reputed institute nor completed online courses for improving it but its due to my sole interest and the appreciations that I’ve received so far which accompanied my journey of writing.
So, I would have to learn new words constantly for that matter to come up with better works that would mostly encompass the lessons and learnings from my own life. And living the rest of my life with the temptation of loneliness and lost hopes, My last ray of hope is penning down the happenings of my life that might inspire or be the source of change in the life of someone who really needs one.
