That day, I sat alone, staring at my blank notebook, as if it were my only companion in this world. The summer sun was shining through the window, but I wished it would disappear.
This is a story about myself who leads her life with a rare condition called myodesopsia (floaters and lesions in vision), that entirely caged me for several years, stealing my enjoyment.
Though I had gone to different doctors for treatment, none of them had cured me.
My life has never been a smooth road. It was filled with hurdles that one could never think of, since my childhood. Being hated by my own family members for my immature behavior, I strived a lot to cross to the other side of this road, gathering confidence and guts. But then myodesopsia conquered me totally, leaving me confined to everything.
This could be the most crucial part of anyone’s life, as you would be left with no choice but to live unhappily. Myodesopsia is basically a condition that affects people over the age of 60, but unfortunately, I have it due to astigmatism, which is a congenital condition present in my eye.
I got to know about this during my 10th standard through reading a news article. That article was published by the American Medical Association, mentioning the severity of this problem. If this had progressed, then there would be no choice other than living the rest of your life with it.
Despite the advancements seen in the fields of medicine and surgery today, why do researchers take myodesopsia for granted? Maybe it wouldn’t be that dangerous, but still, at an early age, having committed to so many works, this would slowly take control of you. And that’s what I’m facing right now.
I often spend hours just closing my eyes and pretending that everything around me doesn’t exist. This has put me into a lot of depression, where even my parents aren’t ready to stand beside me. Despite that, I had dreams and untold goals.
Yes, I aspired to go abroad for my higher studies when I was in 10th grade. But today, in my final year, I’m losing hope. There are sayings that “Nothing is impossible,” but after putting all my efforts into erasing myodesopsia from my mind, I would rather say “Nothing is adaptable.” If so, then I would never bother about small things that hinder my lifetime goal.
Speaking about my passion, I love writing first. I found this out after winning a research article writing competition conducted by Sarkari School in Delhi for my article titled ‘Crimes against Children – From a Child’s Perspective’. I was also given the chance to speak at their national conference, which made me feel immensely proud.
From then onwards, I started to contribute a lot by writing poems, articles, and essays on several topics. That was the only time when floaters and lesions were not as visible due to less eye movement.
Apart from this, I had written many captions for Instagram posts of my college clubs. Secondly, I love to dance and sing. I used to practice a lot at home for college culturals and symposiums, but on the day of the performance, I feel disturbed due to this condition and tend to forget either the lyrics or the dance steps.
This is one of the major reasons that pushed me into solitude. Solitude isn’t a curse but something that should be nurtured during the course of your life, as those hard times mold you into a better person. That’s when solitude became my companion and sometimes my well-wisher too.
It was during that period that I learned about publishing videos on YouTube. I used this opportunity to publish motivational videos like quotes or reels that I had learned during this tough phase. But unlike writing, this one hadn’t encouraged me much, as I was restricted to speak openly. If I had to publish a quote, it should not express my inner feelings, which again made me feel alone.
From then, deciding between my heart and mind, solitude suits the best for me. But on the other hand, it definitely hampers the potential of making friendships, as it turns my excitement into anxiety on meeting countless new faces.
This particular phase of my life has taught me a lot through painful sufferings, longing all the time for the love and kindness that led me to several realizations. And now, I’m content with this solitude, as there aren’t people to judge or tease me. Once, I was frightened to meet new people, but today I feel more confident and courageous, as this phase of solitude has made me discover the real me.
I think that’s the best medicine for any situation that makes you anxious or aloof. I did encounter a lot of stress during studying, but today I can manage it as well due to the ability that I developed to ignore the opinions of the so-called ‘four people’ of society.
This experience felt totally new to me at first, but as days passed, I began to accept the fruitful results of it. Although floaters in my eye persist, the self-confidence that I developed to defeat my own inferiority helped me overcome it slowly. The process is definitely slow, but with patience to expect a positive change ahead, it stays permanently in your life, be it a small or big one.
So, it’s not about how people value you; it’s all about how you value yourself. Thanks to solitude for teaching me this lesson. That’s the end of my unpredictable journey with a soulful ending. But this is not the end of my life. Still, there is a lot more awaiting on my way that may encompass miracles, like finding a cure for myodesopsia and whatnot.
Until then, let’s wait for the best to happen.
